Category: Incite, Conspire, Inspire

Be warned: this is a destructive procedure and the repairs are costly, plus if timed wrongly could upset a lot of people. This is not advice, it is a satirical writing, and you should never do it to any slaughterhouse owning scumbag.

Sooo…. We’ve all been there: you want to live your best off grid life, and you tell the water company to stop supplying water (cos you already harvest enough rainwater and drink from puddles) but the water company does not care and keeps turning the water back on and charging you for the ‘service’. They say things like “but how will you flush toilets without water?” And “how are you going to ensure proper sanitation in your factory?”.

There is a solution to all your problems that will allow you to live off grid!

What you need:
-water mains manhole
-a large screwdriver to open the metal cover
-a stopcock key
-quick concrete, water and a bucket.

Water mains supply has a switch in front of every property. This switches (also called stopcocks) are usually underground, under a metal cover, normally in front of each house or building. When you open that metal cover you should be able to see a metered counter (This tells the water company how much you’re using) and the stopcock, which will be either metal or plastic and is usually somewhat rectangular. You will need to turn off the valve by making it perpendicular to the water pipe it sits on top of. If your hand won’t suffice, there are such things as ” water mains shut off tools” or “stopcock keys” which you should find at hardware stores.

Once you’re shut off the valve, to ensure the water supplier doesn’t just turn the water back on, you mix quick concrete and water in a bucket and pour it over the whole thing, filling up the hole under the metal cover. How much concrete you will need will depend on your manhole, so you’ll need to check prior!

Walk away after that. You have achieved the water off grid award. Congratulations!

Note that you’re not allowed to fuck with water main switches as they are property of the water company. So only fuck with YOUR OWN stopcocks, never somebody elses, specially if they are a slaughterhouse that could no longer clean the blood and guts off of the floor or a hotel hosting a far right conference that would be unable to flush the toilets. Do not do that. It is expensive, it takes time to repair and it would not be legal!

Disclaimer for the feds: Incite, Conspire, Inspire is a solely-for-fun section never designed to give real advice. The tools, tactics and ideas given on the series are only thought to entertain. We would never dream of anyone using any of this tools as a form of dissent and we do not promote, partake in or condone any illegal activities that might derive from said tools. 


Environmental health forces us all to put rat traps down when having a food related business. How can you deal with them once you’ve had your inspection? Today, we talk about rat traps!

We’ve all seen them. Tucked in a corner, under furniture, or attached with cable to a wall. Made out of metal or plastic, they usually have rat sized holes on either end.

Rat traps tend to litter the landscape everywhere, and in this article, we will discuss how you can deal with YOUR OWN rat traps once you’re done with them.

If they are attached via a wire to something, then wire cutters might be useful to remove them. Once you have them in your possession, your next step is to open them. Sometimes they open easily, but sometimes you might need a 4 way key or a screwdriver to pry them open. If plastic, they can often be opened by placing them sideways and stomping on the seam. Once they are open, you need to inspect inside.

If they have a weird colour block, or maybe some wheat looking grain, usually dyed red, that is a poison trap. Poison needs to be disposed by burning, as putting poison in the bin will just send the poison somewhere else where a different rat population might live and eat it.

You can do a BBQ one day, or you can put it in a dog poo bin if your local council disposes of dog poop by burning and not by composting.

If they have sticky paper, that’s a glue trap!!! You can put those in the bin, but before you do, make sure you cover all the glue with sand, dirt, or any other granular material that will ensure all the glue is no longer dangerous to anyone.

Lastly, you might find the notorious spring traps, which get set off and are supposed to break the spine of any small animal. All you need to do with those is set them off before disposing.

If the boxes that house the murdering devices are plastic, a good kick works wonders to make them less useful. If they are metal, they might need a hammer!

If by any chance you are unable to remove the traps because you can’t cut the wire or you’re unable to open them to check if there is poison inside, remember that expanding foam sprayed into the holes will ensure whatever is inside stays inside and all the animals outside stay protected from the trap when you put it in the bin!

Now you know how to deal with YOUR OWN rat traps. Don’t do this to other people’s traps. That would be illegal.

Disclaimer for the feds: Incite, Conspire, Inspire is a solely-for-fun section never designed to give real advice. The tools, tactics and ideas given on the series are only thought to entertain. We would never dream of anyone using any of this tools as a form of dissent and we do not promote, partake in or condone any illegal activities that might derive from said tools. 


We’ve all been there. The demo gets rowdy and there are a few bricks being thrown at the nearest Starfucks. Walking in the countryside you hear gunshots a field away. You’re waiting in the queue at the bank and decide to rob it instead. You’re babysitting your nephew and Netflix seems to be down. 

We have a solution for all those situations and you’re probably wearing that solution.

No face – no case! might be a bit of an overstretch, but the reality is that masking up can keep you and many others safe. In a society where state surveillance is at all times high, with cameras on every corner and mobile phones in every pocket, covering your face helps greatly against that sneaky fucking camera that films you popping a McDonald’s window on a Tuesday morning. But you might not always carry a neck warmer on you, or one of those fancy fucks with three holes that cover your whole face, makes you look incredibly menacing and are ridiculously hot for a summer evening.

The solution is simple and will make you look like a badass ninja (so you can entertain your nephew, remember?). Pop that t-shirt off and follow these very easy steps:

1- Turn your t-shirt inside out. This will help with any branding that the shirt might have, hiding that badass Defend Direct Action bolt cutter print you got from Unoffensive Animal.

2- Put that t-shirt over your brain bucket, with the neck hole on your eyes (so you can see, duh).

3- Grab the sleeves of the t-shirt and tie them behind your head, tight enough so it holds, but not too tight you give yourself a fucking headache.

4- Arrange your eye-hole. Try covering your eyebrows and lift up the bottom as close to your eyes as possible, covering the nose. Then grab those two lil bastard folds on the side of your head and tuck them in making the whole thing nice and tight.

5- Finalise your ninja style. The label of your t-shirt is sticking up. Fold that thing in. Depending on your situation you might also want to tuck the end of your t-shirt under your hoodie so it doesn’t flap around, avoiding your enemies grabbing and pulling it.

6- Rob that bank. Or play ninja attack with your nephew. Up to you.

ON MASKING UP: The black mask is not a fucking fashion accessory. We get it, you put that mask on and look at yourself in the mirror and you feel badass as fuck. You might even take a selfie or two. Don’t be a fuckwit. Black masks are a tool. They help during a demo by avoiding folks being singled out. Even if you aren’t throwing bricks, it is a lot more difficult for the filth to find who it was if everybody is masked up! The same way, paired with some sunglasses, it can help cover skin colour of whoever is underneath it. Black masks are solidarity, even if you are never “Up to no good”.

When someone does an open rescue, an investigation or a photo-Op for instagram and they mask up whilst freely giving their name and surname away, they are simply capitalising on the looks as if a black mask was an accessory. Don’t be that person. When a black mask is the way forward, remember that it is helping you keep anonymous and it is helping the masses keep anonymous too. Behave accordingly. Tuck that fashionable pink hair inside and cover your tattoos and your nose piercing. You can show off all that later on, but for now, you are one with the masses and the masses have the power. For a world of freedom, black masks and gasoline. UA.

Video courtesy of sub.media. We all miss Stimulator.

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Disclaimer for the feds: Incite, Conspire, Inspire is a solely-for-fun section never designed to give real advice. The tools, tactics, and ideas given in the series are only meant to entertain. We would never dream of anyone using any of these tools as a form of dissent, and we do not promote, partake in, or condone any illegal activities that might derive from said tools.

You don’t always have to carry a 6-sheet poster with you if you want to do some ad hacks. For a quick, opportunistic, and on-the-go kit that you can easily fit in your bag, you’ll need:

A marker: the bigger, the better
H60 security pin
Tx30
Four-way utility key

Once you’ve done a quick scan to make sure there’s no cops or security around, you can locate the lock. The placement depends on the model, but usually you’ll find it in the bottom corner or middle on the side of the ad. Once you’ve located the lock, take a look and see which of your tools you’ll need. Often, you’ll be able to just pop open the ad with one tool, but sometimes the first lock will just open a panel and you’ll have to locate the keyhole. Remember, some ads open incredibly easily while others are fiddly and mechanisms can be rusty and stiff. Just take a breath and keep trying.

Now that you’ve opened the ad, you can pull the perspex door back as far as it’ll go and start making changes to the existing ad, turn it around and use the other side, or get rid of it entirely.

Brandalism has this great PDF if you want to do some further reading:
 http://brandalism.ch/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/Bus_Stop_Ad_Hack_Tutorial_web.pdf

The website ‘Public Access’ tells you the exact tool you need to open the advertisement screens in your city.  

http://www.publicadcampaign.com/PublicAccess/Index.html

You should be able to find all the tools you’ll need at your local hardware store.
Good luck reclaiming public spaces from advertisers.

Disclaimer for the feds: Incite, Conspire, Inspire is a solely-for-fun section never designed to give real advice. The tools, tactics and ideas given on the series are only thought to entertain. We would never dream of anyone using any of this tools as a form of dissent and we do not promote, partake in or condone any illegal activities that might derive from said tools.

An easy and cheap way to make a big, slightly crusty banner for a drop involves visiting some charity shops and getting those lovely second-hand bedsheets. Sow them together till you have the desired size, and start planning out the spacing of your message.

If you’re concerned about spacing your words properly, you can use a projector. Set up your banner on a wall and put the projector in front of it with whatever word you want to write. Now you can outline it and move on, so your comrades can fill in the letters whilst you outline the next word!

Once that’s done, sow a strip of fabric along what will be the bottom inside of your banner so that you can thread a rope through it. It should create some sort of “sleve” with holes on either side of the banner. If your banner is very long, consider having more gaps in the sleeve and threading shorter bits of ropes, so you can distribute the weight evenly across the whole banner.

You’ll use the sleeve to tie the weights to keep the banner from flying around and making the message unreadable. For weights, you can fill large plastic bottles with gravel, sand, or water. Make sure you securely tie them to the rope so they are not at risk of detaching and falling on anything or anyone.

Make holes along the top of your banner so that you can fasten the top of the banner with rope or cable ties to your desired location.  Be sure the holes aren’t too close to the edge of the banner as doing so runs the risk of easy rips. Also, ensure your cable ties are heavy duty. We’ve all been there, with a huge banner, trying to attach it whilst the wind is fighting us, just to find out the zip ties are just breaking at the smallest of force!

Sometimes size really does matter. Have fun you artsy bastards. But purely doing legal things, we’d never suggest you do anything naughty.

Disclaimer for the feds: Incite, Conspire, Inspire is a solely-for-fun section never designed to give real advice. The tools, tactics and ideas given on the series are only thought to entertain. We would never dream of anyone using any of this tools as a form of dissent and we do not promote, partake in or condone any illegal activities that might derive from said tools.

We’ve all done it. We set a trap down for cat neutering, and the trap just doesn’t work. It keeps triggering when it shouldn’t, or just fails to trap that pesky cat! 

When you feel frustrated about a cage trap there is a way out of that frustration. 

First, check if you set up a wildlife camera around, you wouldn’t want to forget it when you leave your site! Once you refresh your memory, grab that cage and angle it at 45°, making sure that the trap door is facing downwards, you do not want it to be closed, you need the entrance wide open! 

You can use a tree to angle the cage, or you can ask a friend to hold it in place if there aren’t any trees around! Then, starting at the entrance of the cage, stand on the top corner and jump like a trampoline! As you jump, move towards the end of the cage so that you end up with a nice and flat cage. 

After the cage is flat, optionally, fold it in half by standing it up lengthwise and putting the weight of your body over it whilst pushing the middle inwards. You don’t need to do a lot of force, just let your bodyweight do the exercise! 

It is now ready for disposal, easy to transport and it will never be used to fail at trapping! 

Pro tip: if your cage is too sturdy, you might need to use boltcutters. We’ve even seen some folks using angle grinders! Just make sure you remove the trigger, or the door, or whatever part of the mechanism to ensure no neutering cat ends up trapped by mistake whilst you go fetching your tools! 

PS: This has NOTHING to do with the badger cull. The instructions are provided for the disposal of trashy, non-working, personal traps. Thank you. 

Also fuck the cull go support @undergroundbadgersyndicate

Disclaimer for the feds: Incite, Conspire, Inspire is a solely-for-fun section never designed to give real advice. The tools, tactics and ideas given on the series are only thought to entertain. We would never dream of anyone using any of this tools as a form of dissent and we do not promote, partake in or condone any illegal activities that might derive from said tools.

Looking for a new hobby? You’ve tried rock tumbling and crochet but nothing really scratches the itch? Let us tell you about glass etching! 

Etching glass is a fantastic hobby where you grab glass (like a window or a cup!) and you permanently mark it with a frosty and translucent decoration. You can etch using a stencil, or you can freehand if you want! 

Etching fluid is sold either as a cream or as a liquid, and it normally is made from hydrofluoric acid. For that reason, you should be incredibly careful handling it and wear all the necessary PPI, like mask and gloves! Both forms of etching materials are easy to find in hobby stores. If you end up with cream etching fluid, you can dilute it, but remember that then the frosty look will be lessened. 

Now, let’s get to work! Folks recommend many different tools to start your hobby, but we find that the cheapest are always the best options. Grab a shoe polish bottle with a sponge tip and make sure you clean it thoroughly, getting rid of all the paint. Once that is done, you can fill it up with your fluid (or with your diluted etching cream) and seal it shut. Put the shoe polish bottle in a little plastic bag so you avoid any leakages.

Choose a window in your house that you really don’t mind getting ruined. Some companies are able to buff etching fluid off the window, but it’s expensive, and sometimes the only way you can clean your own mess up is to change the window completely. 

You can now use a stencil you’ve previously cut and use a thicker, more cream-like etching fluid to dab all over it, or you could simply freehand whatever drawing or message you want to permanently mark on your window! At first, it might look like water, but after a while the glass will be frosty and beautiful, allowing you to send a message to all the neighbourhood. 

Please be responsible and only etch your own windows. Remember that it is permanent, so don’t cover the whole windscreen of your car with it if you have an important delivery to do tomorrow! 

So there you have it, if rock tumbling is just too loud and Robert next door keeps calling the council with noise complaints, consider trying glass etching!

Disclaimer for the feds: Incite, Conspire, Inspire is a solely-for-fun section never designed to give real advice. The tools, tactics and ideas given on the series are only thought to entertain. We would never dream of anyone using any of this tools as a form of dissent and we do not promote, partake in or condone any illegal activities that might derive from said tools.

Many of you will have seen evidence gathering cops at protests before, they are the ones walking around having ‘friendly’ conversations, asking questions like “did you travel far to get here?” “so are you a student?” “what’s your name?” and so on. Never answer these questions, don’t talk to cops! Alongside the chatty ones there are also the ones walking around with big ass cameras, taking photos and videos of everyone they can. The footage they collect is often used to help identify and target individuals and can lead to successful prosecutions.

A simple tactic to combat these intrusive protest stalkers is to follow them around and use your placard or banner to block their cameras from filming the crowd.

It might be wise to attach long sticks or poles to your banners as the cops usually come with extendable poles for their cameras in order to get clear shots from above.

It’s not just banners and placards that can do the job of blocking cameras, umbrellas work brilliantly and fit in your pocket after. Skateboards have been used many times too and depending on your skating abilities can provide a fast getaway or dramatic fail.

Be aware that preventing these creeps from filming effectively is likely to upset and frustrate them. It can result in grumpy cops targeting you, even if what you’re doing isn’t illegal. Make sure you are well masked up and alert to your surroundings and ideally doing it with friends. Factor in your vulnerability, if you’re undocumented, or really can’t afford another arrest if things go sideways then this probably isn’t the job for you. Talk in your group about who could take this role before heading out.

Remember, we keep us safe.

Disclaimer for the feds: Incite, Conspire, Inspire is a solely-for-fun section never designed to give real advice. The tools, tactics and ideas given on the series are only thought to entertain. We would never dream of anyone using any of this tools as a form of dissent and we do not promote, partake in or condone any illegal activities that might derive from said tools.

Toilets are essential infrastructure that we don’t often think about. When they are busted it can be incredibly disruptive and costly.

Imagine you want to trash your own toilet, I imagine many of you have blocked your toilet before. Well what if you wanted to block your toilet again but in a way that was not fixable?

Hydraulic cement is a type of cement that sets quickly once in contact with water. People have permanently destroyed toilets with hydraulic cement using a simple method. They take nylon socks or tights and using a funnel fill them with about a fistful of hydraulic cement, something available at most hardware stores. They then tie a knot and store one or more in a plastic bag as the powder will leak through the nylon. They walk into their own toilet, not animal abusing giant McDonald’s or union busting Starbucks, their own toilet. Given CCTV is so prevalent in your own home and folks don’t want family to know they’ve ruined the loo people have been known to ditch their standard attire instead dressing in ‘normal’ looking clothes they got from the charity shop and will dispose of after. There’s a tendency to wear hats or a wig and covid mask to stay as unidentifiable as possible.

Once in the cubicle they get the makeshift cement powder ball wet and either push it into the pipe in the toilet bowl using the toilet brush or their hand wearing a washing up glove, or no glove if you are a particularly disturbed individual. Once they’ve ensured its properly wedged into the pipe they leave the stall without flushing.

You’re gonna end up with a huge bill now and might even need to move temporarily given the lack of usable toilets.

The toilet might be the pressure point you never thought of. We strongly advise that you only mess with your toilet and never anyone else’s.